Belonging to Yourself
Many years ago, I confided to a dear friend, “I have a belonging wound that just won’t heal. I always feel on the outside and I don’t know what to do with it.”
Growing up, I was a queer fat nerd. Then I was a queer fat college student. And a queer fat adult. I always had people who loved me and who I loved, but I always felt on the outside.
But over the years things shifted, I came to understand that no one besides me could meet this need for belonging. And, in a world shaped by white supremacy, homophobia, and all manner of other forms of oppression, fitting in was–in fact–that last thing I really wanted.
A few years ago a queer mentor said something to me that reinforced our perspective. He said, “Straight folx are never going to give us our belonging. We’re going to have to make it for ourselves, nurturing individually and collectively.”
In that spirit, I offer this ritual of belonging to yourself.
On a scrap of paper, write down something about yourself that makes you feel odd, different, or like you don’t belong.
Holding the scrap of paper in your palm, rub your hand against your heart center in a circular motion, generating some heat.
Say aloud, “______________ makes me feel odd, different, or like I don’t belong. And, it’s part of me. I belong to myself.”
Take the time you need to be with that. Then turn the scrap of paper over and write down something that’s made possible because that’s a part of you. For example, being fat makes me feel weird or odd, and it has given me clarity about how people react when others look different.
Keep the scrap of paper somewhere you’ll come across it regularly for the next 30 days and then burn it or put it in the compost.
